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I came to a crossroads, and had to choose whether to continue west, where nothing specific was waiting for me, or head east, where nothing specific was waiting for me. A lack of a specific reason to go one way or the other has never really bothered me. I'll figure out what's waiting for me once I get there. But in this moment, at that intersection, I could not, would not, make a choice. There weren't any logical arguments I could make to myself (you do a lot of this when traveling alone) in support of one direction or the other, and there wasn't even a gut instinct to pull me along. So I pulled over, sent a text to a friend that said "East or West?"
I knew I would go whichever direction he told me to.
I also, somehow, knew that I was done here. Not because my visa was running out, not because of something terrible or traumatic, not even because of homesickness (which certainly bubbles up on occasion). It wasn't a moment of typical indecision, which I usually remedy by choosing arbitrarily, on faith, or by holding out my licked finger to feel which way the wind blows. I was just...ready to go.
Fortunately my text was replied to almost instantly, west it was. And knowing I was done opened up a new way of thinking. It was no longer "Where do I go next", but rather "What do I still want to do before I leave?" And now I knew the answers. It was relieving to have listened to and trusted myself enough to know what was needed, and things started making more sense from that point.
It's been an indescribably wonderful final stretch, filling me with such overwhelming gratitude for the people and places around me that at any given moment inside my head there is a mob of wild furry muppets screaming "THANK YOU! AHHHHH! THANK YOU!"
I am so grateful to have experienced such a beautiful place for so long, and to have been shown astonishing compassion and generosity by almost everyone I've had the fortune to come across. I will miss you most of all, Scarecrows.
But I can't miss it all until I'm gone. Time for another adventure. Feel free to come along.